Quaker for the Day

One thing I value as a "glo-burbanite" is learning from faith traditions other than my own.  I believe there are nuggets of wisdom found in most faith traditions if we are humble enough to listen and learn from one another.  This does not mean I adopt every belief or practice as my own... only that I am open to what truths may be expressed or experienced in ways I am not familiar. 

For example, growing up across the street from Amish neighbors provided a window into a culture that has many values worth borrowing, not the least of which are hard work, humility, simplicity, and forgiveness. I still keep in touch (and am challenged by) my childhood friend Elsie who is one of the most joyful and content women I know!

Borrowing from the Catholic tradition, I began seeing a spiritual director four years ago (who happens to be Mennonite, actually), and her mentoring friendship with me has been one of the most significant gifts in my spiritual journey as an adult.

And I began practicing yoga and meditation (which I love with my whole limber self!) a year ago, borrowed in part from Buddhist and Hindu practices.

Yesterday, I decided to visit the Quakers.  I have been wanting to visit a Friends Meeting House for quite some time now, as I find the Quakers very intriguing.  One of the "nuggets" I have learned from them is that they value the divine presence of God (often termed Light) in every human being (even in their "enemies") which has led them to value non-violence and peace-making as a way of life.

Another interesting tidbit about the Quakers is that they usually do not have spiritual leaders.  When they gather for Sunday morning worship, they sit in silence until someone feels led by the Spirit (or Light) to share something for the benefit of the whole group.  Then they return to silence and prayerful meditation until another might feel led to share. 

Since Jarred was in Boston for the weekend at a conference and the kids had spent the night with their grandparents, I decided that I'd go and visit the Maidencreek Meetinghouse, a small stone structure built in 1759, near Leesport, PA.  These are my reflections from my journal...


Struggling to find my turn off of 61, I tried to silent my pumping heart like a good Quaker girl. (Rushing into a silent room doesn't seem to be the Quaker way.) I found it, a blessed ten minutes before 10:00, and was, a little awkwardly, only the second person to enter the meetinghouse. "Oh no," I thought. "What if it's just me and that man?" Then I heard another car pulling along the stone drive. Phew...

One by one, the faithful strolled in.  Sometimes I glanced their way and received a smile or "good morning." There were twelve of us altogether (the same number Jesus thought would be good to change the world.)  ;-)

This one was a silent meeting. No words were needed today. Personally, I thought the setting was a beautiful sermon in its own rite.  The old stone building with its wide, wooden-beamed floor and long straight wooden benches--covered by faded orange cushions--sang with total tranquility and sacred tradition.  The open windows and doors were just that... open.  They welcomed not only the nameless strangers such as I, but the breezes and the bees and the flies.  Had a skunk walked in the door, I think he would have been offered a seat.

Instead of a choir, we had the birds.  And let me tell you, their voices echoed beautifully over the lake and the trees, filtering into our sanctuary. 

As the hour passed, I shifted my posture now and then, as well as my thoughts.  They drifted to loved ones, my friend who just moved away and to my brothers.  They drifted toward the members in the room... What are their stories?  How long have they been "Quaker"?  What do they think of me?  They drifted to myself... I need to stretch.  Can I clear my throat silently?  I'm getting sleepy.  

I thought about other moments where I've sat in silence with others--at the beginning of Nar-Anon meetings, before our sung prayers at the Pilgrimage of Peace retreats in West Virginia, at youth group events when we'd spread out for silent prayer or devotions, during the evening Scripture meditation at the Kairos retreat back in January.

I've decided I like sitting in silence.  (Almost as much as I love gabbing with friends.)  Both are good. Both nourish the soul.  Both communicate truth and love if we have ears to hear.  And so I think I will practice Quakerism more often. 

How about you?  Have you ever experienced a faith tradition outside of your own?  What did you learn from it? 

A "Home-Schooling" Summer

So in case you didn't know, school lets out today!! Honestly, I might be more excited than the kids. Summertime for us means me not working, afternoons at the pool, sleepovers with friends, picnics at the park, weekly bike-rides to the library, etcetera. I've got to admit, the kids and I have it pretty good. I often get that slight pang of guilt when I hand Jarred his kiss and coffee-to-go in the mornings and wish him a great day at work, and he wishes us a great day... at the pool.

Fun, however, is not the only item on our summer agenda. Well, maybe for the kids. But not for me! Summer is also my season to "home-school." Now, before you get any grand notions in your head about me dutifully displaying mathematical flash cards as my children sharpen their math skills or conducting scientific experiments on our kitchen counter while my children watch in awe behind protective, plastic glasses, let me be clear. I am quite comfortable, at this point, leaving my children's basic academic lessons in the hands of their wonderfully talented teachers. The "home-schooling" I am referring to is of another dimension.

See, I think up until recent generations, home-schooling was a common phenomenon. I would even go as far as to say that many cultures still practice home-schooling around the world. At risk of sounding like a "fuddy-duddy" (what is that anyway?), the home-schooling I wish to resurrect is the training of my children's moral character and skills for adulthood. There. I said it. This, I fear, is a lost art in many homes today, probably due in part to the fact that families are pulled in dozens of directions. But I also think this has a lot to do with what we (including myself) believe about children and what we value about life.

It seems to me that our culture (at least the suburban culture I am a part of) believes that: Number one, the chief end of childhood is to "have fun!" And number two, children can only be expected to participate in an activity if it is entertaining or ends with some sort of pleasure reward (i.e. candy). It's my opinion that these two beliefs are producing individuals who expect to be constantly entertained, who are missing the experience of intrinsic rewards (i.e. I feel proud that I was competent enough to complete that task or contribute to the family. Or... Watching the flowers pop up is so fascinating; maybe next year I'll talk to Mom about planting a garden.), and who are in many ways immature.

So here are some of my goals for home-schooling my children over the summer. (I hope it is understood that I don't look at summer as the only time to train my children. It is, however, when we have the most concentrated time to optimize on life lessons.)

1. Stop labeling every activity as "fun." I can't tell you how often I find myself saying to my children, "This will be fun!" Or... "Wasn't that fun?!" I am indirectly telling my children that something is only worth doing if it is fun. Well, feeding my family is not always fun, but I do it because it's important. Studying for tests was a complete headache, but it was necessary to succeed in school. Visiting residents at the nursing home was a little smelly and uncomfortable, but the kids brought smiles to some very lonely, forgotten people and felt the joy of doing so.

2. Implement a daily morning routine with responsibilities. So before we run off to the pool or invite friends over to play in the afternoon, I want my children to learn that work comes before play (and play is more enjoyable when in that order). I am going to use this summer as a time to further train the kids on some basic household duties, like how to run the washer and dryer and how to scrub the toilets. As they are able to help out with more of the everyday chores, I will hopefully be more free to tackle the neglected ones (i.e. cleaning windows!!) Personally, I think, if trained properly, children are quite capable of much more than we think. (I think of my parents' Amish neighbors whose children help in the garden, collect eggs, and drive horses in the fields at probably the ages of my own children.)

3. Encourage 45 minutes of daily reading. Our local library offers a summer reading program where the children keep track of how many books they read and can "cash in" tickets for prizes. I suppose the kids are reading mostly for the prizes, but I hope that as they read more, they will become better readers, seek out better books, and better develop their knowledge and creativity.

4. Restrict screen time to 2 hours a day. This restriction is mostly for our son who loves any kind of gadget with a screen, but who can actually entertain himself quite well once he realizes no person or gadget is around to do it for him. I am very excited to report that my children have finally begun watching reruns of Little House on the Prairie, the TV series my friends and I grew up watching and learning from (talk about a huge difference in value compared to SpongeBob!) Screen time does not merely need to be restricted; we parents can influence the quality of what our children are watching, too.

5. Teach money values. In an excessively, abundant culture such as ours, I find this very tricky. I want Dylan and Jaida to learn the value of waiting for something they want (versus instant gratification) and working and saving for that purchase. The children already know that gifts are for birthdays and Christmas, so if they really want something between thoses times, it must come from their own wallets. Already we have watched them make connections over the value of a dollar, save their coins for something more valuable than candy, and take pride in handing their own money to the cashier at Target. I've put together a list of tasks (above the weekly chores) that they may earn an extra dollar or two by completing--everything from washing out the garbage cans to wiping down the baseboards to organizing their dressers.

I may not need to teach my children skills for survival or pass along a trade such as some children may be learning in other cultures, but I still feel a great responsibility to prepare my children for responsible, mature adulthood. Will you join me in this endeavor of "home-schooling" this summer? What will your goals be?