7

I have my friend Steph to thank for almost ruining our Florida vacation. While staying at this very savvy resort and spending long days at the pool and beach with utter no responsibilities, I am reading this book which Steph nearly forced into my hands a few days before leaving for vacation. It's called 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess, and it's all about one woman's journey to simplify her life in order to open herself up greater to God and to generous living. This woman confronts American consumerism and Christian wealth head on and invites her readers' hearts to bleed for the homeless, the refugee, the orphan, and the hungry. In truth, I am deeply grateful to Steph for this recommendation.  It is as inspiring as much as it is challenging.

What I am trying to say is that it is impossible to be here and not be reminded that we are within the top 1 percent wealthiest in the world. That most families feel it is a privilege to send their children to school while we view it a responsibility to take our children on vacation each summer (we were actually told, "Well, you have to take your children on vacation every year," by the vacation representative who visited our room this afternoon.)  While we might stress over which restaurant or beach we must visit while here, many families are stressing over which meal to eat today.  The gross gap in equity between the rich (us) and the poor (80% of human beings) is just that... gross... shameful... embarrassing... heart-breaking.

So back to the book: 7. Jen Hatmaker, the author, took seven months and chose seven areas of her life which needed simplified and tackled each problem area for a month.  Here's her list:

• Food
• Clothes 
• Possessions
• Media
• Waste
• Spending
• Stress

Could you do this?  She ate only seven ingredients during the Food month. She wore only seven items of clothing during the second month. She gave over seven possessions away daily during Month Three.  And she (and husband and children) abstained from all TV, video games, Facebook, blogs, Internet-surfing, iPhone Apps (basically anything other than work-related) during Media month.  You will have to read the book on your own to see what she did during the last three months, as I am still reading the chapter on Waste right now, but to be sure, she gained some golden perspective which no doubt will affect their life choices forever. 

The cool thing about reading this while on a family vacation is that I've been able to talk about this with my family!  In fact, Jarred has been so kind to endure my numerous outbursts of laughter (this is probably the funniest author I have ever read) and to listen to a few "short" sections that I just had to
read to him.  We've talked about how fortunate we are that we actually can take vacations.  I've shared anecdotes from 7, like the time that Jen Hatmaker and her then mega-church husband/pastor heard Shaine Claiborne speak about the homeless shelter nearby where sturdy shoes were a great necessity. And how he challenged everyone to leave their shoes and socks at the Communion table to be donated to this shelter.  And how Jen and her husband took off their brand new, very expensive cowboy boots and went home barefoot on a winter night, challenged and changed. 

I, too, am being challenged to change.  And I'd like to invite my family and perhaps some friends,  too, to engage in some of these experiments ourselves.  I'll be sure to post more on the subject then!

For now, please find a copy of this book!  You will be challenged and changed, too!

Football and Flowers

 "I figure God made the flowers grow; 

I might as well share them."

-wise words of the little old Amish lady whose beautiful bouquet of flowers (stuck in a reused Applesauce jar) I bought for less than $2 yesterday

Summer is rolling by!  I know it is for all of us.  Time having fun always goes too fast!  But really, once we get back from vacation in early August, I must sign our lives away to fall sports.  Forgive me if I do not sound off-the-wall excited for the new activities my children have signed up for... which only have us committed for two hours a night, five days a week (before school begins) but then cuts back to two hours a night, three days a week (after school begins).  After all, we are talking about the all-important activities of football and cheer-leading.  Yes... football... and cheer-leading.  I know, I know.  This glo-burban mama has gone All-American, and she drags her feet while doing so.  

There are several reasons I find it difficult to get excited about this new venture my children are taking.  Not only am I concerned about the obvious... that precious brain behind that silly helmet... but I am dreading the hurried evenings, the loss of family time at home, and the challenge to complete homework, dinner, practice, and showers.  And then I worry about the football and cheer-leading "culture."  You know... all the glam and glory.  The boys competing in toughness and aggression.  The girls in cute ponytails and long legs.  And did I mention that I don't even understand the game of football?  Believe me; I've tried.  But if you haven't ever watched the game, it's very boring.  Trust me.  And what if they actually like it?  What if they want to continue?  Will I lose my children to the ranks of cocky, supposedly-popular, selfish, bratty teenagers?!  ...You understand my angst.

So where does that Amish woman's quote fit in with football and cheer-leading?  Well, to be honest, I keep finding myself in places where I am being asked to loosen the apron strings I've strung to my children, and I don't find this easy. Whether it was allowing Jaida to try out the haunted house ride on the boardwalk (she surprisingly loved it!) or realizing that Dylan is developing his own taste for music (very different than my own) or dropping them off with complete strangers at Bynden Wood Day Camp this week, I feel the tug between wanting to control their decisions and knowing I need to loosen my grip.  

My children are like the Amish woman's flowers.  Can I hold them as generously as she does her beloved blooms, willing to share them with a world I cannot control?  It is a delicate task the parent is asked to do.  It does not mean giving up on guiding our children altogether.  Not at all!  The Amish woman does not cut her flowers and throw them at the edge of the road for any wanderer to carelessly pick up.  Neither do we allow our children to follow every whim and desire.  She first nurtures her flowers with tenderness and water, allowing them to blossom in whatever color and form they are created to be.  She then cuts her stems, arranges the blooms in a lovely bouquet, and lets them leave her garden and go into the hands of others who admire their beauty.  She does not own her flowers; she cannot control the growth process.  They are gifts given to her so that she may share them.  

It is the same with my children.  They are amazing gifts that I aim to nurture with loving counsel, gentle discipline, listening ears, and a trusting spirit.  They are not mine, though.  How differently we treat our children when we remember that!  

The Amish woman's words keep repeating themselves in my head as I wonder what humankind would be like if we viewed all of God's creation in the same way... the oceans, the trees, the animals, "our" backyards, "our" food, the air we breathe.  

"I figure God made the flowers grow; I might as well share them."

A "Home-Schooling" Summer

So in case you didn't know, school lets out today!! Honestly, I might be more excited than the kids. Summertime for us means me not working, afternoons at the pool, sleepovers with friends, picnics at the park, weekly bike-rides to the library, etcetera. I've got to admit, the kids and I have it pretty good. I often get that slight pang of guilt when I hand Jarred his kiss and coffee-to-go in the mornings and wish him a great day at work, and he wishes us a great day... at the pool.

Fun, however, is not the only item on our summer agenda. Well, maybe for the kids. But not for me! Summer is also my season to "home-school." Now, before you get any grand notions in your head about me dutifully displaying mathematical flash cards as my children sharpen their math skills or conducting scientific experiments on our kitchen counter while my children watch in awe behind protective, plastic glasses, let me be clear. I am quite comfortable, at this point, leaving my children's basic academic lessons in the hands of their wonderfully talented teachers. The "home-schooling" I am referring to is of another dimension.

See, I think up until recent generations, home-schooling was a common phenomenon. I would even go as far as to say that many cultures still practice home-schooling around the world. At risk of sounding like a "fuddy-duddy" (what is that anyway?), the home-schooling I wish to resurrect is the training of my children's moral character and skills for adulthood. There. I said it. This, I fear, is a lost art in many homes today, probably due in part to the fact that families are pulled in dozens of directions. But I also think this has a lot to do with what we (including myself) believe about children and what we value about life.

It seems to me that our culture (at least the suburban culture I am a part of) believes that: Number one, the chief end of childhood is to "have fun!" And number two, children can only be expected to participate in an activity if it is entertaining or ends with some sort of pleasure reward (i.e. candy). It's my opinion that these two beliefs are producing individuals who expect to be constantly entertained, who are missing the experience of intrinsic rewards (i.e. I feel proud that I was competent enough to complete that task or contribute to the family. Or... Watching the flowers pop up is so fascinating; maybe next year I'll talk to Mom about planting a garden.), and who are in many ways immature.

So here are some of my goals for home-schooling my children over the summer. (I hope it is understood that I don't look at summer as the only time to train my children. It is, however, when we have the most concentrated time to optimize on life lessons.)

1. Stop labeling every activity as "fun." I can't tell you how often I find myself saying to my children, "This will be fun!" Or... "Wasn't that fun?!" I am indirectly telling my children that something is only worth doing if it is fun. Well, feeding my family is not always fun, but I do it because it's important. Studying for tests was a complete headache, but it was necessary to succeed in school. Visiting residents at the nursing home was a little smelly and uncomfortable, but the kids brought smiles to some very lonely, forgotten people and felt the joy of doing so.

2. Implement a daily morning routine with responsibilities. So before we run off to the pool or invite friends over to play in the afternoon, I want my children to learn that work comes before play (and play is more enjoyable when in that order). I am going to use this summer as a time to further train the kids on some basic household duties, like how to run the washer and dryer and how to scrub the toilets. As they are able to help out with more of the everyday chores, I will hopefully be more free to tackle the neglected ones (i.e. cleaning windows!!) Personally, I think, if trained properly, children are quite capable of much more than we think. (I think of my parents' Amish neighbors whose children help in the garden, collect eggs, and drive horses in the fields at probably the ages of my own children.)

3. Encourage 45 minutes of daily reading. Our local library offers a summer reading program where the children keep track of how many books they read and can "cash in" tickets for prizes. I suppose the kids are reading mostly for the prizes, but I hope that as they read more, they will become better readers, seek out better books, and better develop their knowledge and creativity.

4. Restrict screen time to 2 hours a day. This restriction is mostly for our son who loves any kind of gadget with a screen, but who can actually entertain himself quite well once he realizes no person or gadget is around to do it for him. I am very excited to report that my children have finally begun watching reruns of Little House on the Prairie, the TV series my friends and I grew up watching and learning from (talk about a huge difference in value compared to SpongeBob!) Screen time does not merely need to be restricted; we parents can influence the quality of what our children are watching, too.

5. Teach money values. In an excessively, abundant culture such as ours, I find this very tricky. I want Dylan and Jaida to learn the value of waiting for something they want (versus instant gratification) and working and saving for that purchase. The children already know that gifts are for birthdays and Christmas, so if they really want something between thoses times, it must come from their own wallets. Already we have watched them make connections over the value of a dollar, save their coins for something more valuable than candy, and take pride in handing their own money to the cashier at Target. I've put together a list of tasks (above the weekly chores) that they may earn an extra dollar or two by completing--everything from washing out the garbage cans to wiping down the baseboards to organizing their dressers.

I may not need to teach my children skills for survival or pass along a trade such as some children may be learning in other cultures, but I still feel a great responsibility to prepare my children for responsible, mature adulthood. Will you join me in this endeavor of "home-schooling" this summer? What will your goals be?

Compassion and Kids

Have you ever witnessed a child being humiliated by their parent? I recently witnessed a mother pulling her son by the ear and pushing him into their car with her knee outside of a McDonalds. A sickness rose to my stomach and I yelled out my car window from the street, "Stop doing that to your son!" She turned to me, shrugged, and said, "He's my son, not yours." I suppose if I were to ask that mother why she chose such a violent form of discipline she'd say she's trying to teach him to cooperate. She'd probably tell me how bad her son is, how badly he had behaved, and how he needed to be "dealt" with. She probably has no idea that children who are bullied often become bullies themselves.

I have come to reject the idea that children are inherently evil and need that evil driven from them,a belief held by many. One of the reasons I have come to reject this idea is that I have observed many interactions where children are viewed as and treated as "bad." Unfortunately, we humans tend to behave the way people expect us to. We tend to believe the labels that our parents or teachers or peer groups give us.

I remember one heart-breaking moment when I was babysitting two little girls. I told the older sister that she was "such a good sister." I will never forget the look she gave me when she realed her head around and asked me in all seriousness, "do you really think I am good? My mom tells me that I am bad all the time." With as sincere a voice I could convey, I replied, "You know, all of us have some good and some bad in us. But I see a lot of good in you."

Though I believe each human has the potential for contributing evil to the world, I prefer to view each child (and each grown up child) as made in the divine image of a loving Creator, with great potential for much good. I wonder if we were to spend as much energy, if not more, nourishing the good in our children (and in ourselves) as we do discouraging the "bad," if our world would be that much fuller of love and goodwill.

There's a group from our church who meets in our home to encourage one another in life and faith. Most of us are parents, and recently we found ourselves lamenting about our self-centered, entitled children despite our best attempts at teaching gratefulness. However, on Sunday morning during our worship gathering, I watched as many children were moved to compassion without a parent or teacher telling them to be so. It was a special Sunday morning-a morning where we invited all the children out of their regular classrooms for a presentation on Compassion's child sponsorship program.

We watched a video clip about a little girl from Guatemala who lost her mother and whose father is physically disabled and unable to provide for his family. This little girl, at only ten years of age, does all the cooking, laundry (by hand), and other household duties. Thankfully, she has a sponsor who helps make it possible to receive an education, proper nutrition, and medical help.

After the service, I stood at the Compassion table as several families came back to sort through profiles of children awaiting a sponsor. More than one family was directed there by one of their children who said, "Can we do that?" Two girls completed the sponsor information under their own name. These children innately recognized the injustice of poverty, and their spirits were moved with compassion.

I often find myself trying to shame my children into seeing their mistakes. The other day my daughter was giving me a lot of sass. I tried correcting her which turned into us arguing which turned into me giving her sass. None of it was appealing to her conscience. I finally gave up and decided to try a completely different approach. I sat down beside the couch where she was sitting, looked her in the eye, and took her hand in mine. I told her that I cannot make her understand how her words hurt me, but that I forgive her. I told her that she is a very kind and generous girl, but that when she gets frustrated, she at times loses control of her words and they become hurtful to others. I told her that I hope she learns how to control her words as she grows and matures. I told her that I love her. After I finished, she miraculously said, "I'm sorry, Mommy."

My daughter is inherently good. She has divine imprints of Love and Grace all overhear being. I must choose to see that and help her to see that. I want her to believe that. I want to model patience and generosity and integrity and gratefulness, believing that someday her young soul will grow and mature and offer those things to a broken, yet beautifully-loved world.

Meet Caroline

I'm excited to introduce you to the newest member of our family.  Her name is Caroline. She lives in Kenya. She is twelve years old, and she shares the same birthday as mine.  We met her through Compassion's child sponsorship program, and she is the fourth child our family has had the opportunity to sponsor.

The story behind our coming to know her is very cool.  See, Jarred and I had been considering sponsoring another child for quite some time.  When we first got married we continued to sponsor James from Haiti, the boy I had been sponsoring since I was in high school.  When Jarred moved into a sales position five years ago, our income increased, and we decided to sponsor an additional child, Deboshree from India.  About a year ago, James had to leave the program, so we began sponsoring another little Haitian boy, Marvens.  Just recently, we refinanced our home, which helped decrease our monthly mortgage payment.  We talked about sponsoring an additional child but drug our feet.  Spending increased during the holidays, and we were waiting to see how things shook out.

Then right after New Year's, I met with a friend for lunch, and at the end of our outing, she handed me an envelope to open in the car.  She told me she felt like she was supposed to give it to me.  When I opened it, I was shocked.  Inside were five $20.00 bills!  What?!  I thought.  Doesn't she need this more than me?  Her family is going through a major job change, and so I am assuming their financial security is much shakier than ours.  And yet she was moved to give during this shaky time.  I was very touched by her generosity and thought I must put this to good use.  It didn't take me long to realize now was the perfect time to begin sponsoring an additional child.  No more excuses.  That $100 would nearly cover the cost of the first three months of sponsorship.

So we sat down as a family and did a search for children who shared my birthday.  I was drawn to Caroline for a couple of reasons.  First of all, she's a girl.  The saying goes something like this: when you educate a girl, you educate a village.  The empowerment of women is directly linked to the decrease of poverty, violence, and disease around the world since girls become women and women become mothers.  Secondly, I had the opportunity to visit Kenya when I was in college and so have a special place in my heart for Kenyans.  Thirdly, Caroline's community has been touched by HIV/AIDS and other life-threatening diseases, so I love that we are able not only to help her receive an education but to have access to health services and nutritious meals.

I believe that child sponsorship is one of the best ways to combat some of the greatest social evils in our world.  When you provide the basic needs of a child, you are helping a child remain in his or her family (combating the need for orphanages).  You are offering a child an education (combating illiteracy and ignorance). You are offering a child a future (combating extreme poverty or prostitution). You are offering a child health (combating starvation and disease).  You are offering a child love and hope (combating violence and despair).

If you are considering sponsoring a child, I would urge you consider these two sponsorship programs, Compassion and World Vision.  Both are highly reputable and allow you to have written correspondence with your child, which I think is of vital importance.  Our family likes to send family and school pictures, stickers, bookmarks, and handmade notes and pictures to our children.  Consider changing the world, one child at a time.

Suburban Church "Explores!" Asia

Sometimes I get a little squirmy when I see VBS (Vacation Bible School) signs outside the front of a church.  And in our area, there are plenty of churches and plenty that offer VBS to their local communities.  I get a little squirmy because I've helped with a few of these in the past, and I've come to feel a little skeptical about them.  My experience with VBS programs is that they tend to be a little cheesy while trying to cram a ton of excitement into kids with the hope that they will see how fun God is and how awful hell is and will be able to make some theological claims that will ensure them life-in-heaven-with-God-forever (or at least will memorize a few Bible verses).  I'm just not convinced that a one-week cram course about Jesus is the best way for kids to make thoughtful decisions about how to relate to their Creator or what to make of the afterlife.  Of course, I am generalizing here and speaking from my own prejudice.  There are surely some rocking, cool VBS programs out there doing some wonderful good.  Let's hope so!


Anyway... enough of my deconstructing of Vacation Bible Schools.  What I really wanted to share about was a VBS (we call it Explore!) which happened last week with my community of faith, Koinos.  This one I really was excited about!  And quite proud to invite friends to. I'm privileged to know some very talented and creative people who put tons of energy into making Explore! an exciting, and hopefully meaningful, experience for kids last week.

So what made this VBS unique?  Well... for starters... we didn't put an emphasis on kids having to make any decisions at the end of the week.  Yes, there were stories about Jesus and God's love for the world, but the stories were told in a way to invite wonder and curiosity and inspiration, not in a let-me-tell-you-how-this-all-works sort of way.

  Moreover, the theme was anything but cheesy.  We explored Asia!  Each night the kids learned about a different country's culture... from Thailand to Nepal to China. They tasted cultural snacks--naan bread from India and rice pudding from Bangladesh--and drank a different kind of tea each night.  They played a marble game from Japan and raced on coconut shells like kids in Bangladesh like to do. They made head rings and carried baskets on their heads like Nepali children.

They learned about kids who work in sweatshops and the importance of education.  They learned about the problem of waste and the importance of caring for the earth.  They learned about the earthquake in Japan and had the opportunity to raise money and stencil messages on a quilt that will be given to victims of the earthquake through MCC.  And most importantly, I would like to believe that they went away with a taste of God's love for the wonderfully diverse and beautiful people in this great big world in which we live.


,

Koinos Summer Campaign

Sometimes I feel worried.  Worried that my kids are spoiled.  Worried that they are too narcissistic.  My seven-year-old had a near meltdown this morning when I said no to his request for having a friend over today.  He must honestly suffer from short-term memory loss.  Do you realize, Dylan, that you have been with friends every day this week so far?  Did you hear that I said you could have a friend over tomorrow?  Do you know that the world doesn't revolve around you???

Yeah, my kids have it good.  Really good.  Thus, part of my suburban gal complex.  And another reminder to me how important it is to challenge their experience, broaden their perspective.  This week offered a great opportunity for that.

Our faith community Koinos holds an annual campaign every summer, where we canvas close to 10,000 homes in a four-day period, dropping off at every door a plastic bag and a list of items needed at Berks Women in Crisis.  We then drive around with pickup trucks and minivans on a Saturday morning and collect all of the donations left on our neighbors' front porches.   From there, the items are carted to an undisclosed location where staff await with open arms and tears in their eyes, grateful for the largest donation they receive each year.  Needless to say, it is a very cool experience. 

The kids and I participated in yesterday's morning shift and then again as a family in this evening's shift.  Sure, it's not that life-changing.  They get to walk around with their friends up and down sidewalks and driveways for a couple of hours.  But it does get tiring; they do get hungry; and sometimes it's rainy or real hot.  And they get to hear from Mom and Dad how these donations are going to help a lot of moms and kids who need diapers and shampoo and cereal, etc.... Moms and kids who don't even have a safe home, if any, to stay at.


So, yes, my kids are a little spoiled.  They certainly are extremely lucky.  But once again I must choose to turn that "survivors guilt" into motivation to use our privilege as a blessing.  We have strong legs, full bellies, and time.  That's more than enough to be grateful for.

If you haven't yet stumbled into a Ten Thousand Villages store, you absolutely MUST!  It is my favorite place to shop for a number of reasons.  First of all, the stuff!  They have gorgeous, handmade items from all around the world - jewelry, handbags, scarves, blankets, dishes, decorations for the home, rugs, baskets, even chocolate, coffee, and tea.  Secondly, but more importantly, everything they sell in their stores is fair-traded, so that hard-working groups and individual artisans can actually make a fair, livable wage for their work.  Finally, the store nearest me, in Ephrata, PA, has a cafe, and it is a lovely, little cafe' to meet up with friends for lunch or listen to live music on Friday nights.

So I must give a plug for their 18th Annual International Children's Festival which is tomorrow!  Our family went last year for the first time, and we loved it.  The kids made crafts, took a rickshaw ride, learned how to gather water from a village pump, and played games from other cultures.

So if you're in the Lancaster/Reading area and you don't have plans tomorrow, I'd highly recommend spending an hour or two at the festival.  It's a great opportunity to widen our children's eyes to the richly diverse world in which we live.

That's Not Fair!

As a parent of two young children growing up under very privileged circumstances, I am always on the lookout  for ways to expand my children's perspective on the world.  I often worry that their little lives, which have been insulated from most pain and suffering, will not be able to appreciate all the good around them.  Perhaps more than any other virtues, I want them to grow up with an attitude of contentedness and a desire to make the world a more just place for all its creatures.

Last night we watched the last few minutes of Extreme Makeover - Home Edition before the kids were scooted off to bed.  Ty Pennington was revealing the amazing bedrooms, each one designed around the unique interests of each of its residents.  He then led the family outside to view their immaculately landscaped back yard, a perfect hiatus for relaxation or summer parties.  A batting cage was built for the son whose father used to coach his baseball games but who now sits permanently in a wheelchair for paraplegics.  The final revelation was the family rec room, a mini-gymnasium actually, complete with a climbing wall and small basketball court.

At this point in the show both of our children were turning green with envy and saying things like, "That's not fair!" and  "They're so lucky!!"  So as we watched the credits begin to roll, Jarred and I seized upon this opportunity to lecture gently instruct Dylan and Jaida about the nature of fairness.  We explained how this family had been through a lot with their father's accident which left him paralyzed and asked them to imagine what it would be like if their Daddy could never walk or run with them or do anything on his own ever again.   We then reminded the kids that they, too, are very lucky.   Unlike a lot of children in the world, they have a sizely, warm home with plenty to eat in the refrigerator and comfortable beds and lots of clothes and healthy parents. 

Perhaps it was the green turning paler on their cheeks, but I could see in their faces that they understood that perhaps they shouldn't wish to switch places with the kids on the TV show.  So until the next time I hear those all-to-common words "that's not fair" I am thankful for the lesson taught by Extreme Makeover - Home Edition not only to my children, but to all of us "big kids" who sometime dwell too often on how life is not fair for us.